


The Noodles Series

by julemmaes



Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Marriage Proposal, multicouple
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26422828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julemmaes/pseuds/julemmaes
Summary: First part (Jordelia) - Pas Des CrêpesSecond part (Thomastair) - C'mon Lick ItThird part (Fairondale) - Alone TogetherFourth part (Arianna) - Little Black DressFifth part (Gracestopher) - Screaming To The Stars (coming soon)
Relationships: Alastair Carstairs & Thomas Lightwood, Alastair Carstairs/Thomas Lightwood, Ariadne Bridgestock & Anna Lightwood, Ariadne Bridgestock/Anna Lightwood, Cordelia Carstairs & James Herondale, Cordelia Carstairs/James Herondale, Grace Blackthorn & Christopher Lightwood, Grace Blackthorn/Christopher Lightwood, Matthew Fairchild & Lucie Herondale, Matthew Fairchild/Lucie Herondale
Comments: 3
Kudos: 49





	1. Pas Des Crêpes

**Author's Note:**

> Find more onmy tumblr (@julemmaes)

The epic music was coming out of the  speakers at such a high volume that Cordelia wondered how they were still on good terms with their neighbors. As the credits ran down the screen,  s he heard someone stand up on the other side of the couch and then the lights went on.

  
Thomas, sitting at the foot of the  arm chair Alastair  sat on , grunted and Cordelia found h er self blinking, trying to get used to the light. One hand landed on her knee and she turned to James, covering her mouth with one hand while yawning. Her boyfriend smiled at her with slightly red eyes because of the last three hours  spent watching TV and was going to ask her if she wanted  him to  kick everyone  one so she could sleep peacefully, she knew  it ,  he asked her every week when it was movie night,  b ut he was beaten to the punch by someone else.

  
"Guys?" Matthew asked, who was lying on James' other side. He had not moved since the beginning of the film and Cordelia seriously thought he was dead, and after he had spoken she was still not so sure of his physical state because it seemed that he had just swallowed a lemon from how hoarse his voice sounded. Lucie, who looked just as puzzled as her and was sitting on the carpet in front of them, turned to look at him and, seeming amused, she giggled, "Oh, my God, were you _crying_?" she asked stunned, but with a playful tone.

  
All the heads  snapped in his direction and Christopher was about to comment, the grin on his lips the only sign that  it wouldn’t be nice  for the boy , when James put his arm around Matthew, completely forgetting Cordelia, who nearly fell to the side to the sudden lack next to her. " Don’t you dare  insult him. Math has every right to cry over this movie. It’s tragic." He said in a threatening tone, daring anyone to open  their mouth.

  
Matthew shook him off and with a  pout that would have made envy to a five-year-old child he murmured, "I wasn’t crying."

  
Lucie completely ignored him, leaning his chin on his brother’s leg, stretching an arm and pricking him with a finger on his chest. " You don’t want us to make fun of him, because you were crying, too."

  
Cordelia restrained a laugh, looking at the expression of pure  bafflement on the boy’s face. It was true, James cried for almost everything they watched, whether it was a cartoon, a tv  series or a documentary about how basketball balls are made. " How dare you?"  he brought a hand to  his chest, pretending to be shocked,

" Me? Crying for a movie? Never." he said shaking his head as an evil grin appeared on his face, very similar to  the one Christopher  wore a few seconds earlier, "The only softie here is Matthew.

"Softie?" Thomas asked laughing, "What, you cry for movies and  you’re eighty now ?"

  
Lucie burst into laughter and sat on  her knees, crawling towards Tom, leaning against  Al astair’ s other leg , who watched  them all very quietly but had a big smile on his face. Cordelia exchanged an amused look with his brother, who  rolled his eyes , knowing  full well how it would end.

  
" For real , Jamie, who still uses softie?" asked her sister, ready to shoot the next arrow, "I would have used things like wimp."

  
"O r pussy." retorted Thomas, always laughing.

  
" W hiner would have been fine  too ." Christopher stepped in and stood up to turn off the television.

  
"Wussy?" Alastair asked, trying to get involved. Thomas turned to look at him and Alastair’s smile grew even more, until he turned into an even more childish pout than Matthew’s when his boyfriend answered him, "No, too simple."

  
"And pussy that is literally the word from which it comes is not?" asked Alastair in a huff, receiving as a response a simple hit on the knee from Lucie.  
Cordelia stood up, having an epiphany, "Mollycoddle!?"

  
"Mollycoddle!" they all screamed together and then burst out laughing. James and Matthew were sitting on the couch, arms  crossed on the ir chest s and head s hidden between the shoulders. Both had an expression of deep  sorrow . Cordelia laughed louder, when James looked directly at her and tried to look even more upset by  arching his eyebrows and almost completely hiding his eyes.

  
When everyone sighed and wiped their tears,  they were all looking  at  each other, hoping someone would propose what to do. When the silence in the room became too long, Lucie and Cordelia looked at each other again and it didn’t take long before they burst  into a fit of laughters again,  bend in two.

  
"When you two  are done being bitches," said Matthew, putting his hands on his knees, a general  uuh rose from the room. "Then maybe we could go get something to eat, because I’ve been starving since the beginning of  the second part. "

  
"You mean before or after you started crying?" Christopher asked him with a strange twinkle in his eyes. Cordelia carried one hand to her mouth, blocking it with the other, to prevent herself from laughing again, fearing she would choke. A warm hand landed on her back and turned just in time to smash her lips against James’s. She broke off almost immediately, not wanting to embarrass anyone, but at least the smile was back on his face. She was used to the touches and the small displays of affection from him when they were with their friends, but kissing was more rare, especially when Lucie and Alastair were present and they never failed to make them notice. 

  
Sh e lost h er self for a few seconds in that amber look, before returning to  the  conversation–  more like the quarrel– between Lucie and Matthew.

  
"If I wasn’t so hungry, I’d spill all the noodles on your head." he was telling her.

  
"Ah yes? Can you even cook them?" she answered him  sticking her tongue out . Matthew shook his head, wrinkling his eyebrows, "Yes, you dumbass, everyone knows how to make noodles." 

  
"Too bad though, that we ate the last  portion last night and that there is nothing in the fridge," said James scratching the back of his neck. Matthew let himself fall back on the couch, making an exasperated sound, "Je ez ,  this is the worst day of my life."

  
"We could always go to the grocery store a t the end of the road and come back here for a noodle party." proposed Chrisopher, always with that strange glimmer in his eyes. Cordelia raised an eyebrow, curious to know what was making her friend so cheerful. Not that he wasn’t happy normally, but that pompous behavior was different than usual. He seemed more relaxed.  She shrugged ,  she  would have thought  about ask ing him what was going on in his life  tomorrow .

  
"Or, you could go back to the holes you crawled out of and let me and my beautiful lady here take our-" he stopped himself eyeing the clock on the wall, grumbling before continuing with whiny voice, "Four hours of beauty sleep before we have to wake up for work." He looked at her hopefully, and she nodded smiling sweetly at him. 

  
He heard Lucie snort and Matthew snapped up, "I can’t believe you’ve become such a  _ softie _ ." said the boy while a grimace of disgust appeared on his lips. "Bros before hoes, Jamie. Bros before hoes.  It’s that simple. " 

  
Cordelia saw Alastair shaking his head amused and Thomas getting up, giving a hand to  his boyfriend and the other to Lucie to help them stand up. They both accepted and nearly all three  of them  fell back when Thomas put too much effort into  raising them. They were all too tired lately, maybe they should  have  take n a break from everything and  go on a short  holiday . 

In the meantime, James was smacking Matthew over the head, telling him to stop being such an idiot.

  
"Come on, Math, I’ll buy you all the noodles you want." Christopher said,  offering him an arm. Matthew sighed resigned,  interwining his arm with that of his friend and leaning his head on his shoulder,  "Now that you and Grace have  become serious , you will leave me too."

  
Cordelia’s head snapped  to Lucie’s direction , and when she saw that  her friend was also shocked, she realized she wasn’t the only one who didn’t know what  they were talking about.  Sh e turned to Christopher, clearing h er throat, "Kit?"  s he called drawing everyone’s attention to  her .  Sh e opened h er arms,  putting on a lost face, "What the hell are you talking about? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell us?"  she  said gesturing with one finger between her and the only other girl in the room, who with just as much disappointment said, "Yeah, when were you going to tell us?"

  
A sound very similar to the cry of a dog whose tail had  just been  stepped  on  left Christopher’s mouth, which turning red scratched his chin, looking thoughtful. Finally met the look of the two girls, "Tomorrow?" He hesitated, implying that he had never thought to speak  to either of them the next day.

  
"I can’t believe it, you’re telling me everything." Lucie said covering the distance between her and the young Lightwood in a few seconds and taking him arm in arm on the free side. She looked over her shoulder at Cordelia, who was now amazed, even more shocked that she wouldn’t be part of that gossip session so juicy that the idea of sending her nap with James to hell was starting to form in her head. She was going to tell her friends that they couldn’t talk about it without her, when someone hugged her from behind and her boyfriend’s familiar smell filled her nostrils. She calmed down visibly, but was still shocked by the news. Grace. _With Christopher_.

  
"Don’t think you dodged a bullet, Kit. I’ll stop by your office tomorrow for lunch and  you’ll  tell me all about it." Cordelia said. A tone that left no room for reruns.

  
"Actually, I’m supposed to be with Grace at lunch tomorrow, so..." he left the sentence unfinished, apologizing with  his eyes. They all turned to the  door when they heard someone sighing dramatically and Matthew appeared from behind the wall, wearing his jacket and passing  Lucie’s coat to  her . She gave him a grateful smile, but looked away quickly, as if she were embarrassed.

Interesting. Cordelia should have talked to Lucie as well.

  
"That’s exactly what I’m talking about." Math said in a more dramatic tone than was necessary, "You are teaming up against me and finding love under rocks, as if  it’s nothing, while I," he  brought a hand to his heart, holding the fabric of the jacket between his fingers, as to suggest how much this thing hurt him, "I’m alone. And I will never  find my soul mate. Or eternal love." He concluded by gasping, closing his eyes to amplify the whole. Cordelia heard James giggling with his nose buried in  her hair, but  she barely notice d .

Sh e noticed, however, the color that lit up Lucie’s cheeks. Yes, definitely,  s he should have  talked to her as soon as possible.

  
" Cut it and get out of this house." Thomas said, passing by  hi, to reach the coat rack and start dressing  up .

  
The others imitated him and after several hugs and kisses and promises to talk about secret loves, James and Cordelia found themselves alone in their apartment and drew a breath of relief. The house was so quiet without their friends, but she did not mind, that calm peace…

  
"As much as I love them, I don’t mind this silence."Jamie whispered in her ear. She smiled, turning in his arms and holding both hands up to cup his face, "I was thinking exactly the same thing." He smiled kindly at her and the weariness in his eyes made her melt. He was so cute when he was tired. She pulled hersel up, pushing her body against his, and then they were kissing. It was a slow kiss and not at all rough. He was stroking her hair and her hands slipped around his neck. He moaned in the kiss and when she parted her lips to let him in, their tongues clashed.

  
That was them. James and Cordelia. Two bodies in tune with each other.

  
It was James who broke the kiss, but only because Cordelia’s stomach growled so loudly that he was forced to pull away in order not to laugh in her mouth. He looked at her amused, "Do you want me to call the others and ask them to bring us noodles? I’m sure Matthew would threaten to commit suicide, but I don’t think they’d let you starve." Cordelia giggled thinking of a desperate Matthew staggering around saying he had become the slave of the group. She shook her head, pressing her forehead on his chest, "No thanks, I’d rather eat something else." she whispered. "Plus, I want to spend some alone time with you, it’s been a long time since we spent a night together. Just the two of us." she concluded glaring up at him.

  
"All right." he laid a quick kiss on her lips, before breaking away from the hug. "What do you want to eat?" He asked her on his way to the kitchen.

Cordelia  brought a finger to her lips, thinking, "I don’t know."

  
"How about cookies?" James asked, stopping  without any notice,  making her  slam against h is back.

  
"I don’t think Mr and Mrs Shaw can handle any more noise tonight,"  s he said, passing him, tapping on the phone to look at the time. 2:56 a.m.  She opened  her eyes wide,  _ man, it’s late _ . She looked at James, thinking of  suggesting him to go straight to bed.  S he would eat  at  breakfast tomorrow morning.  B ut as soon as her eyes landed on the boy’s  body in front of her, her mouth dried up.

  
James was reaching for the flour on the top shelf, and the visible part of skin under his shirt blocked the words in her throat. He turned and noticing her look slowly moving from his behind to his face, he put on a smug little smile, "Seeing something you like?"

  
She shook her head just as smug ly , "I’d say so." James' eyes shone with a new light. The grin never leaving his face.

  
That jo exchange took place at least once a day in the Herondale-Carstairs house. Normally in the morning, when they were  getting ready together to go to work and ended up wasting time in more interesting activities. The presumptuous air on both faces fell as fast as it had appeared.

  
"How about making your famous cr ê pes? I haven’t eaten them in a while and I’m  josening ." He proposed taking the other ingredients from the fridge. Another yawn took over and Cordelia imagined herself already wrapped in the blankets, war m … "Or maybe not. Do you want to sleep, Daisy?" He asked her by laying  the eggs on the table and approaching her, worry imprinted on  his face, moving a rebel strand from her face and  pinnin it behind her ear.

  
She  melted in his hand, closing her eyes and savoring his touch " M h-mh.  _ Pas des crêpes pour toi _ ." she said to him in French, smiling.  _ No crêpes for you _ .

  
She heard James laugh, and then his hand was no longer on her cheek, and he was moving around the kitchen again, putting back everything he had needlessly took out.

  
"Go put your pajamas on, and I’ll be right behind you,"  h e said with h is back  towards her  and opening a shelf at the bottom. She nodded,  dragging  her feet on the ground and head ing  for their bedroom.  Sh e didn’t even realize  s he was going to go into the bathroom  to take his  make up off.

  
It had been a really long day and she just wanted to sleep, but she also wanted to talk to James, to know what happened today, to ask him about Christopher and Grace… and maybe mention Lucie and Matthew, see if he knew anything.

Suddenly she felt less tired, like when you go to a sleepover as a child and the only thing that keeps you awake is the desire to know everything, everything, everything.

Sh e slipped under the covers, on James' side, so that when he came to bed his side would already be warm, and closed  her eyes for a second trying to rest in the time  s he was waiting for him to join her.

  
She felt a hand touch her cheek, "Daisy?" open ing  only one eye,  she  was embarrassed to see that she had fallen asleep.  Sh e got up on an elbow, about to apologize, when  s he saw that James was holding a tray with two steaming cups of hot chocolate on it and a yogurt muffin (rigorously prepackaged). She looked at her boyfriend and the emotion squeezed her throat, he was looking at her with so much love in  his eyes. And the smile he was giving her never failed to swell her heart every time.

  
"Thank you." she managed to get out despite everything. She wasn’t as emotional as she normally was, but on that day, she was completely exhausted and he must have noticed, because it wasn’t something he did so often. He had done it two or three times when they had just started dating, but then he had stopped and Cordelia had believed that he had finally woken up and realized that she was not worth all that effort. Clearly, she was wrong.

  
He  waved her to move and when she was in her half of the bed, he laid the tray next to her and sat cross-legged, holding  his cup  up .  He blew into it, looking at  her from above the rim of the cup and took two long sips. She was still staring at him incredulous.

  
"I know you’re tired, and you just want to pass out so you don’t ever wake up again, but you didn’t have lunch today, and before the others showed up, you barely pinched a sandwich." He told her by putting down the cup and passing her the muffin. She accepted it reluctantly. So I had heard her when she came home and ran into the bathroom to take a shower while she screamed that she was starving.

  
She twisted the muffin in her hands. She gave it a little bite and then a bigger one and then another, until she finished it and her stomach thanked her and took the chocolate, tasting every sip. When they had finished everything, James took the tray and brought it to the kitchen, coming back shortly after with a dazzling smile on his face.

  
He threw himself on the bed next to her, bouncing and laughing, getting as close as he could and taking her in her arms, kissing her hair and waiting for Cordelia to settle down with an arm around his chest and her head on his shoulder, "So, what did you do today?"

  
"I don’t want to talk about my job, I want to know about Kit." she said, leaning her chin on his shoulder and looking him in the eye. He looked at her in turn with an unreadable expression on his face, then sighed, "Okay."

" A while back, w e  found her at the gym . She came over to say hi to me, but then I had to  go away and she stayed to chat with Kit and one thing must have pulled the other ‘cause four days ago he came to the tavern and told us that they had gone  on a date . Three times,  if iI gotta be honest ." He said everything out of breath, turned around to see  her reaction, thinking he’d find her at least a little annoyed by the fact that he hadn’t told her he’d met Grace, but Cordelia was looking at him like a child watching  their favorite cartoon.  He  raised an eyebrow as a sign of question.

  
"And then?" she asked him curious.

  
"And then, what?"

  
"What  did  they  do , where  did  they  go . Whether he asked her out or  she . I want the details James."  sh e said, giving him a little bump on the chest, then  squinting at him and lowering the tone of  her voice, "If it bothers you that they’re dating."

  
"No, it doesn’t bother me. Grace and I have our history, it’s true, but Kit is really happy and she seems to  be too , from what little he told us." he said without changing  his voice , "And  anyway, I have you."  H e kissed the tip of her nose.

  
"However, I don’t have the details." he said, stroking her arms. It was amazing how he couldn’t get his hands off her, it was like there was a greater force pushing him and he couldn’t fight it. "You’ll have to wait for Christopher for those. O Lucie. She seemed very inclined to extort every little thing from him." Cordelia pulled herself up slightly.

  
Given that the subject was introduced by him, "About Lucie," she said.

  
James put his head on the headboard, "What about my sister?"

  
"Didn’t you see how she and Matthew look at each other?" she asked getting to the point. For a moment, a shadow seemed to pass over James, but it left so quickly that Cordelia thought she had imagined it.

  
"How do they look at each other?" he asked her without even looking her way.

  
"I don’t know, it seems to me that there might be something between those two. They’re not telling us everything." she moved away from the hug, staring at the ceiling. James did not answer her immediately. In fact, he didn’t answer her at all and she thought that maybe he was tired too and must have fallen asleep, but when he turned around to check on her boyfriend, he was standing there looking at the wall. A deep frown in his face. She touched his forearm with her fingertips, and he jumped, as if awakened by a trance, "Everything’s alright?" she asked him worried, "I didn’t mean to imply anything, if it bothers you to talk about your sister and Math we can change the subject, or not talk at all." Cordelia thought she had gone too far. Maybe she had touched a sore point, something he didn’t want to think about.

James must have sensed that change in her tone, because he turned to her, shaking his head, "No, it’s not that. It’s just that I’m worried. For Matthew." he sighed. Cordelia waited for him to continue, not wanting to force him to share anything that he didn’t want.

  
"Sometimes I think  he’s really joking when he says all that stuff about love, that he’s gonna be alone forever, but then I find him watching your brother and Tom or Anna and Ari. Or us. And  he is …  he seems so miserably sad. And maybe Lucie is not the best person  he can have beside  him ."  he  turned to look at her and Cordelia was taken aback when he saw  his eyes shining with tears .  Sh e pu lled herself closer to him and now their legs were touching, intertwining. "Not that my sister isn’t a good person, I just don’t think she’s right for him."

  
"I don’t think Matthew is serious when he says those things. Not as often as you seem to think  at least ." She said,  brushing his cheek to calm him down. "And maybe Lucie is exactly what he needs right now."

  
"Why do you say that?"

  
"Because lately, Lucie’s been telling me how this whole growing-couple thing in the group is starting to weigh on  her . And with Anna finally together with Ariadne..."  s he left the sentence unfinished. James looked at her, surprised to hear such a thing. "Maybe if they really like each other, they might try to go out sometime, see where this thing takes them." She proposed, trying to understand how the idea made him feel.

  
"Yeah, I guess you’re right."  he  replied, carelessly  passing a hand  through her hair,  untying her long locks.

  
"Of course, I’m always right." she said proudly, stretching her neck  to kiss him. James closed his eyes, breathing in that touch, thinking of all the times when, while he had been with Grace, he had looked at Cordelia from afar, wondering what her hair smelled like or whether he would ever be able to hold her hand in a situation other than those in which she was forced because they had to ‘ Ring Around the Rosie’ with Alexander.

  
"What are you thinking of?" she bit on his lips.

  
"Back when I was with Grace." he said. Cordelia immediately detached from that kiss, with an expression between confused, amused and ‘you’re joking right?’. She sat up and crossed her arms.

  
"Wow." she said laughing, "And here I thought you were thinking about how much you love me and how beautiful I am."

  
"No, Daisy, not like that."  James reached out and grabbed her wrist and pulled  her towards him, "I was thinking about when I  struggled to be with you , but I couldn’t do anything because I had to stay with Grace."  he said ,  moving her so that she lay on his body , interlacing their legs together once more. Now they were chest to chest, and Cordelia felt every point where her body touched his.

You didn’t have to do anything, James." she said with muffled voice, looking at him from under her eyelashes with her chin resting against his chest. His hands began to move slowly on her back, drawing circles under her shirt. "That relationship was born only because of the circumstances Grace was in before. It wasn’t true love, as you always say. She didn’t really love you either, it was just childish affection growing with the fact that you were her only friend. That’s it."

  
James opened his mouth to reply, but Cordelia’ s fingers landed on his lips, "Stop  it . I know what you’re thinking, ‘ _ Oh no Daisy but I’ve been so bad, I left  _ _ her _ _ when  _ _ she _ _ needed me  _ _ the most _ _ , I’m a horrible person, boohoo _ ’, no Jamie. You knew it wasn’t right to keep lying to her, and she knew it too."  she  concluded, moving  her finger to caress the frown formed between his eyebrows. "Among other things, now we are all much happier."

  
It was true. They had been together for two years. Two years when he and Grace had been in love, or so hey had believed  at least . Grace had  stayed isolated from the whole world until she was eighteen years old and had managed to  ran away from that house in ruins, but her only friend  had remained James and what everyone else would recognize as simple affection  for a friend , to her it seemed love. James had agreed to start a relationship out of sheer compassion,  as he had only once told his sister, and after a while he had convinced himself that he loved her, too.

  
But something had changed when the Carstairs  had returned to London, he knew it because every time Cordelia was in the room, Grace ceased to exist. For a while he had managed to ignore all the alarms, but after a few months of falling asleep in bed with his girlfriend, hoping that there was someone else in his arms, he  couldn’t make it anymore and had cried in front of Grace, apologizing for the way he  had behaved, for lying to her all that time. Grace had  hugged him , 

comforting him, telling him that  h e had the right to fall in love with whoever he wanted, that it was not something he could avoid, accepting that whatever was between them, it was not love.

  
The smile on his lips warmed Cordelia’s heart, "You’re right."

  
"I told you I was always right." she smiled at him. James laughed and the movement of  his chest made Cordelia slip sideways. He kissed her forehead,  keeping his lips to her head, while with one hand he stretched out behind him to turn off the lamp on the bedside table.

  
When the room was dark, Cordelia drew a heavy sigh of relief and letting herself be lulled by her boyfriend’s arms, she closed her eyes.

  
And just before Morpheus could kidnap her for the night,  s he heard James whispering in her neck, "Goodnight Daisy."


	2. C'mon Lick It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for this one..

"I can’t believe those two are becoming old dudes." Matthew sighed  taped to Christopher’s side. They were in front of the entrance of James and Cordelia’s  building ready to go and buy the noodles that the blond  craved so much , but they had been  there for more than five minutes and Thomas was beginning to suspect that soon they would all be  going home .

  
"Leave them alone Math, they are not old," Christopher replied yawning. Thomas  chuckled when he saw Matthew’s cautionary  look , but he felt his eyelids heavy  as well  and  in three seconds his mouth also opened wide and made a noisy sound.

  
"They just have a job that starts very early, unlike ours." Lucie defended her brother and her best friend by trying to make it clear to Matthew that ordinary people with office jobs had to wake up at  six , unlike people who worked in bars, like her and Math,  who could go to sleep at the time the others were getting ready.

  
"About jobs that start very early." Thomas intervened by smiling displeased,  putting an arm  around Alastair’ s shoulders , who was rubbing his hands trying to warm up a bit.  H e found it ridiculous how  his boyfriend so stubbornly refused to buy a pair of gloves.

  
"No. You’re not going anywhere." Matthew  snorted laughing, "And while I have not yet fully accepted your dyed blond  there… "  he continued  nodding to Alastair  with his chin , ‘ _ It was just a phase. _ ’ defended the guy, interrupting Math "…I would not want to stay alone with Mr.  I n  L ove and Miss. I  S till  S leep  W ith My  P uppet. I could use real men."

  
"The hell Math! It was supposed to be a secret!" Lucie whined, dodging Christopher who tried to stop her and hitting the boy on the shoulder. He snorted again, pushing her back to her place. The Lightwood between them was holding back a laugh at the ease with which his friend had moved his cousin.

  
"Shut up, _Lulu_ , everyone knows you’re still a child." Matthew smirked, calling her with the nickname he knew only her father could use, looking in front of him and waiting for her to answer in kind.

  
"I’m sorry, but I also have to go in an hour early tomorrow and your mother might kill me if I’m late." Alastair apologized by speaking quickly so that the bickering didn’t drag on, trying to look really sorry and not show how excited he was to finally go home.

"I’m too tired for a noodles party. Forgive me." Thomas tried to save  his boyfriend by directing Math’s anger toward him, and so it was, because it was as if Alastair hadn’t even spoken when Matthew turned to Thomas and was as disgusted as he had been before when he looked at James said, "No fuck  you , I’ll never forgive you, asshole."

  
"God, what am I gonna do now?" Thomas cried out in a desperate tone, Lucie slightly jumped at the sound,  s miling broadly, "I will never recover from this terrible insult." Lucie burst into laughter and when Thomas took Alastair’s hand in his starting to walk back to their apartment, Kit greeted them.

  
"Night night." Lucie murmured with a half-smile on her lips, as if the fact that they were leaving weighted more on her than Matthew. _Well this is really_ _weird_ , thought Thomas looking at her, before turning and shouting over his shoulder, "Good night, everybody." Alastair pushed him, as if to remind him what time it was (and that they had already screamed enough) and waved his hand in the direction of the trio, saying with a lower tone of several octaves "Night."

  
"I hope you choke in your sleep, traitors." Matthew cried as he stepped towards them, but staring at the window of James' apartment. Then he looked at his wrist carelessly, "It’s only three damn, and we’re already so few." Thomas chuckled interlacing his fingers with Alastair’s.

  
They walked for a while in silence, as they used to do when they came home after movie night. They lived only ten minutes from their friends' apartment and driving to cover a so little distance and then not finding any parking was not a thing that tempted either of them.

Thomas was thinking about what he would cook the next day for lunch and was going to ask the other what was better between chicken and a omellette, even though he knew that Alastair would always choose meat over everything.

Alastair gripped his hand tighter, drawing his attention and when he turned around Thomas was grinning from ear to ear, Alastair’s gaze darted away, "Thank you."   
Thomas' head tilted to the side, "For what?"

  
"For lying." he shrugged "I know you don’t work tomorrow." He  kept on  look ing in front of him, if his cheeks were red only for the cold or even for the embarrassment Thomas could n’t say. He smiled more widely. Sometimes it was so hard for  his boyfriend to say simple things like thank you that he knew that when he did it for such petty things it was only because he was training for when he  would really apologize.

"Ah, yes." Thomas moved a hand in the air, " Of course . And then I’m  dead on my feet , too."  he sent another smile his way , hoping to charm him, but Alastair almost seemed to refuse to look at him and Thomas realized that something was wrong because something in his tone seemed completely off when he replied, "Sure." Alastair face scrunched up.

  
"What is it?" Thomas asked, curious to understand what was going on in his little head.

  
"I don’t know. Cordelia seemed distracted tonight."  he answered casually, kicking a bottle that was on the sidewalk, "And Matthew in desperate need of distraction."  h e continued by squeezing his eyes when a bus lit up his face.

  
Thomas was happily surprised, it was not an everyday thing to hear Alastair speaking so friendly of his  Matthew . Even when things started to go really well between  the two them, Matthew had been hesitant and it had taken a couple of years and a  move to convince him that they were made for each other, "Matthew is always in desperate need of distraction."

  
"True, but tonight it was notably. Maybe with Christopher in a relationship he feels very lonely." He hypothesized, finally looking up at Thomas' face, whose eyebrows shoot up at the sound of his words.

  
"And since when do you care so much about Math, exactly?" Thomas asked sincerely interested in knowing what had changed in his vision of the blond boy.

  
"I’m not a heartless being, you know?"

  
"Still. You’ve never gotten along and it’s strange to see you worried about him." Thomas said shaking his head still a little unconvinced.

  
"Oh God, I’m not _worried_." Alastair exclaimed like he seemed disgusted just by the idea of it, "I’m just saying that maybe we should do something to distract him." He said, trying to make it look like it was a normal daily thing he did, plan to cheer up Matthew, failing miserably.

  
"We?" Thomas asked, trying to get confirmation of what he had just heard, looking like an old man who found out that Santa really exists

.  
"If you don’t stop being so surprised about this, I’m gonna slap you." Alastair warned him in a threatening tone as a shiver passed through his body. Thomas left his hand, higging him, but keeping walking.

  
"As if you could reach up here." Thomas joked with a smirk.

  
"You’re… you-" the voice came out muffled, hindered by his boyfriend’s jacket, which pressed on his chin. Not that he minded, he was already feeling better than a few minutes before and could feel his fingertips start to regain sensitivity.

  
"Irresistible? Awesome? Too handsome for this world?" proposed Thomas hopefully, receiving a elbow straight to the ribs.

  
"Unbelievable." said Alastair scowling, but still being slightly amused.

If to Alastair the others had seemed to be completely done with life and ready to sleep for eternity, Thomas was the exact opposite. He seemed to be kvelling out of every pore and the way he was jumping around, bouncing him around like a puppet, took a little of his concern away.

  
"Unbelievably handsome, you mean."

  
"No, I meant you’re  unbelievably stupid."

  
"Ouch."

  
Alastair shook his head,  grinning , "Either way, if you don’t want to do something all together, you guys could always bring  him out.  You four could do a thing , like in the old days." he proposed, shoving  him off and putting his hands in the pockets of his jacket. Shortly after, he felt Thomas' hand slipping into his own and smiled, holding his fingers hoping to warm up even more.

  
"A foursome thing you say?" Thomas asked, his eyes sparkling with amusement, "I didn’t know you were into these kind of things." Thomas looked at him winking, but the smile died on his lips when he saw the grin on Alastair’s face.

  
"I swear to God,  if  you don’t stop talking shit, I won’t let you sleep  with me for a week."

  
Thomas scoffed, "You wouldn’t last that long. You’d miss me too much."

  
"Two weeks,  then ." returned Alastair, not at all frightened at the idea of actually spending two weeks without being able to sleep in Thomas' arms.

  
"Wan na bet?"  h e asked him laughing, probably still thinking he was joking.

  
"You know I never back down."

  
Thomas  got serious, pulling his hand out of Alastair’s pocket and, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, offer ing it to his boyfriend. "Deal?"

  
"Deal." said Alastair without blinking, turning to him and shaking his hand.

  
"What  does the winner get ?" Thomas asked without letting go.

  
" D on’t know."

  
"How about..."  Thomas  pretended to think about it, but the grin on his lips implied that he had kept that particular punishment for  a special moment. And  it had arrived. It wasn’t strange that they were betting  with each other, " T he loser do es the laundry for a whole month?"

  
" Yes p lease. I hate doing laundry." said Alastair, hinting at nothing more than no intention of losing.

  
"Oh I know, that’s why it’s gonna be so much better when you drag yourself out of our room to come on the couch because you’re gonna miss me too much."

"Believe it all you want." Alastair said, "And don’t think you’re the only one sleeping on the couch. We’ll do a day each." he added. Thomas was quite gigantic, and he would certainly sleep all curled up on the couch, waking up with an absurd stiff neck, but he also knew that he would never let him sleep on the couch for two weeks. Even because Thomas would lose.

  
"Maybe we should seal it with a kiss." Thomas leaned down, taking a step towards him so that now they’re faces were just mere centimeters apart. Alastair felt the hairs of his arms standing up and tried to convince himself that it was the cold, like every time they were out and Thomas insisted on touching him.

  
"You are  insufferable ." he smiled, brushing his lips with  Thomas’ .

  
"And you’re irresistible." _Oh my god_.

  
"What’s up with all your flirty little comments tonight?" he shoved him by the shoulder, always keeping him close to his body, not wanting to let him go yet.  T heir hands still clasped together.

  
"I studied the adjectives dictionary and thought I should share my new knowledge." Thomas said, lowering the  tone of the voice, looking at him as if his life depended on it.

  
"Stupid." breathed Alastair, licking his own lips. Thomas’s gaze snapped down at the movement of his tongue and a guttural sound shook in Alastair’s chest, "I, for example, would have used witless."

  
"Kiss me."  Thomas ordered  him in a sensual voice and Alastair found himself thinking about what his mother would believe if they arrested him for obscene acts in public, if he had stripped him and taken him  right there.

When they got home, the warm air that came from inside invaded Alastair to the bones and  he  closed his eyes beading of that familiar smell that was a mixture between his and Thomas’s.

  
He was about to take his shoes off when Tom looked out of the kitchen, handing him a black bag that smelled awful. He wrinkled his nose, slightly turning his head away to escape the smell. _And here goes the dream_ , he thought sighing.

  
"Would you mind taking the garbage out?" he asked him with a hopeful smile, already wearing slippers. "It’s been there for two days and it’s starting to smell so bad that if a bear came into the house, I wouldn’t be so surprised." he said seriously.

  
Alastair raised an eyebrow, taking back the keys he had just laid and the dripping sack. He wrinkled his nose again, "There are no bears in London."   
"Whatever." he heard the other says as he closed the door behind him.

He started humming, thinking about the closing of the case he and Charlotte were working on right now. He’d been working for a little over a year at a law firm in the  C ity, and this was the first major case  she’d ever entrusted to him  so far . 

He went down the last flight of stairs opening the door to the back of the house, but heard a loud noise coming from the main entrance so, after having arranged the bag so that it  could not  be moved by the wind , he went to check what was happening. 

Once again in the  fresh air of a sleeping London, he saw a person trying to get up and stopped at the last step, hesitating, trying to see if it could have been someone dangerous or if they only needed help.

  
The figure before him grunted, swearing immediately afterwards and with a movement too fast for what seemed his physical condition,  he stood, staggering. 

Alastair was  left breathless , and all he saw was red. A red that  had tormented  him  for years and that occasionally appeared in his worst nightmares, "Charles." 

As soon as the words left his mouth, Alastair felt  himself die a little . 

It had been months since he had last  said his name and  _ years _ since they had seen each other. 

He knew that he had moved to a small town near Basingstoke, but  he  had  also  explicitly asked Matthew not to tell him anything else and that time the boy had just nodded, without saying any jokes as usual.

  
He was wearing a suit and tie, and to unknown eyes he might  have seem ed fine, but ( _ god damn  _ _ him _ ) Alastair knew him, and saw what was under  the abnormal amount of alcohol  he ingested. He knew that something serious had happened if he was in London. In front of the apartment he shared with Thomas. And yet, even though he knew it  was something bad , he didn’t care. 

He’d already given him too much, he didn’t even deserve a minute of his time.  
At the sound of his voice, Charles' eyes snapped at him and Alastair felt compelled to step back, resenting him being so close. His hands started shaking and he stared at him with his eyes wide open. He knew he looked ridiculous, but he couldn’t hide the shock of seeing him there.

  
He was about to go back, inclined not to start a conversation with the boy who stood before him and  Charles had such  glossy eyes that  to Alastair they could only  remind him of all the times he had been forced to lock himself in a room with Cordelia, to spare  her the sight of an alcoholic father. He nodded his head as a sign of greeting, his lips reduced to a thin line, turning and grabbing the door handle-

  
"Alastair."

He closed his eyes and  his breath became ragged . He felt his throat burn and  he  forced himself to wear the mask he had not touched in recent years and that had  made him  become someone he was not,  made him become  a monster.

  
"Alastair, I…" Charles took a step towards him, putting one foot on the first step, and Alastair’s back slammed into the frozen glass of the door when he tried to walk away. Charles  halted ,  clenching his jaw.

  
Taking a deep breath, and another, then another,  Alastair  managed to talk, "What are you doing here?"

  
Charles seemed to relax, but he still came down the stairs, swinging before he grabbed the railing, "I wanted to see you."

  
Alastair almost laughed, but he  was able to detach himself from the door, carrying both hands in his pocket, cl osing them into fists, "How do you know where I live?" He asked in a dry tone, looking him in the eye.

  
"My mother told me."

  
"You’re drunk." Alastair  s tated, his gaze never leaving Charles’.

"I wanted to see you." Charles repeated, as if those five words justified everything. As if he hadn’t made Alastair go through hell the whole time they were together and even after, when he tried to undermine his relationship with Thomas.

  
"It’s been four years." his expression hardened.

  
"Rebecca left me." one hiccup, and then Charles was holding back the vomit.

  
Alastair turned his attention to the buildings around him, trying not to feel pity for the other.  _ Did she find out about your secret life and that you were lying to her all this time? _ , he wanted to ask him, but he  just swallowed . He heard Charles sighing with relief and hoping he wouldn’t throw up, he turned to him again, "I didn’t know you were with anyone."  h e said instead.

  
"Yes, because you didn’t bother to ask yourself how I was after you broke my heart."   
Alastair made a choked sound. He couldn’t believe it.

  
"I didn’t do anything. You built a life in a house of cards without thinking that the wind could  blow too strong."  h e told him approaching  him  enough to smell his cologne. The scent threatened to cloud his brain, bringing up too many memories.

  
Charles stood still, looking up at him, smirking, "How poetic you’ve become."

  
"I’ve always been poetic, but you told me to be quiet because you were afraid someone might hear us." Alastair raised his chin in defiance, and was satisfied when Charles did not answer him. He stood up straight and in a much less confident voice than he would have liked, he turned and pulled the keys out of his pocket, "Now excuse me, but I really have to go."

"Sure, you’ve always been good at running away when things get tough." Charles laughed,  l aughter devoid of all fun.

  
"You don’t know what you’re talking about." He whispered looking at the  wood and glass in front of him, trying to focus on the brown streaks and not on Charles, "I didn’t  _ run away _ because things had become difficult. I left you because you didn’t see me."  h e took a  small break, "You didn’t want to be with me and that… What we had was anything but healthy, Charles." He ended up holding his fingers around the key s .

  
"And that-" another hiccup, "Lightwood is good for you, isn’t  he ? He treats you well.  Do you still push him around , like  you used to?  Do you boss him around?" Charles asked, with a tone that made Alastair realize he knew he had struck a nerve. "That’s why you’re together, right?" something in Alastair’s chest  took life and a feeling that had been dormant for years came to the surface. A feeling he chose to ignore completely.

  
Alastair didn’t even look at him and opened the door, he growled, "Get out. And don’t come back, or I’ll call the police."   
  
When he came into the house for the second time that night, the heat didn’t warm the frost in his bones, and neither did the cheerful tone of his boyfriend when, leaning against the back of the couch, he said, "Finally, I was going to come down and rescue you." Alastair didn’t answer right away, he was looking for an excuse, whatever was good to justify the fact that he was out for ten minutes. 

He couldn’t have started a discussion right now. Not that Thomas would be mad at him, no.  H e probably would have consoled him, but in that moment he just needed to be alone and think about what Charles had told him. Convince yourself it was bullshit.

  
Thomas realized that something had changed in his boyfriend’s mood because he asked him, "Hey,  everything’s all right?"

  
Alastair quickly recovered, blinking and starting to undress, "Yes, yes." he said distractedly. "I’m just tired."  h e took off his shoes, entering the kitchen to get a glass of water. His throat was so dry that it was beginning to hurt.

  
"Are you sure?" he heard Thomas scream in a worried tone from the living room, then that spark in his voice came back, "Are you already considering how bad laundry would be, for a month?"

  
He drew two glasses before he thought it safe to speak without his throat, now no longer made of sandpaper, being torn. He came out of the kitchen, heading towards their bedroom, "Sure. ‘ N ight  Tom ."  Alastair said to him,  rubbing his hand on his face.

  
"Good night, Alas." he heard him say. A break, then, "I love you!" said loud enough for night bus drivers to hear it.

  
"I love you too." he whispered before closing the door behind him.

Thomas kept  tossing and  turning on the couch. The blanket he had chosen was making his arms itch and he could not find a position where all parts of his body were on the cushions and his neck was not bent in an uncomfortable position. Changing the blanket was not possible because entering  their bed room risking waking Alastair  up  was not even an option. 

In the morning he would have had an important trial and had to be rested.

  
Thomas was going to throw everything on the floor and settle down, there, when the sound of something falling out of the apartment door and a muffled _fuck_ drew his attention.

  
His eyes moved quickly to the end of the hall, where Alastair slept undisturbed, "What-?" Thomas stood up when he heard another noise and then someone  knocking so softly  on the door that for a moment he thought he had imagined it. 

He walked slowly to the  hall , looking for something to defend himself, in case whoever was behind the door tried to  harm him. He looked through the peephole and almost swore. 

He only saw the red hair, but it was enough to recognize the figure of Charles Fairchild. He sucked in a breathtaking his keys and opened the door glaring once more at the door down the hallway, pushing back every rational thought in a box and ready to do everything in his power to prevent Charles to get to Alastair. The blood already  b oiling in his veins.

  
As soon as he was outside the apartment, he regretted opening the door. Charles was obviously drunk.

  
Thomas clenched his jaw, trying to control his tongue, who threatened to spit insults at him every second he spent staring at the brother of one of his best friends.  
"What are you doing here?" he asked in an icy tone.

  
Charles chuckled, closing his eyes with an almost relaxed expression, "Funny."

  
Thomas raised an eyebrow, "What?" he asked. "No, I don’t care." he told him by raising a hand in front of him, blocking anything else he had to say.

He closed his hands in fists, carrying his arms behind his back, insisting not to hit him unless absolutely necessary. His eyes widened, shocked by his own thoughts, opening his hands and crossing his arms on the chest.

The others would have been ashamed of him, because he was not violent, he was the gentle one, he repeated himself in the head like a mantra.

Yet kindness was the last thing he could summon as he watched Charles stare at him with a half-open eye and smelled like beer. "You have to leave before Alastair hears you." he ordered without so many words. Saying  his boyfriend’s name in front of him left a bitter taste in his mouth.

  
"And why would I do that?" Charles asked, ridiculously, staggering forward.

  
One thought  brushed Thomas' mind, "Does Matthew know what state you’re in?"

  
"Matthew."  disgust transformed Charles’ face , "He doesn’t even know I’m back."

  
Thomas almost flinched away. He could  have  never s poken of his brothers and sisters with so much hatred in his voice and he knew that the relationship between Charles and Matthew was anything but fraternal, but he did not think that the  oldest despised  Matthew so much.  T hat’s why he couldn’t control himself when he said to him with a strong tone, almost spitting, "Go away."

  
Charles looked him in the eye and with the more serious expression than he had until then,  said,  "Make me."

  
Thomas grabbed him by the shoulder and pulling him  he  behind began to descend the stairs quickly. Charles was having a hard time keeping up with him, and a couple of times he went and slammed into his back, but Thomas didn’t feel anything, and he didn’t move a half inch. He heard Charles swearing again and thought that he had never heard him say a dirty word until that night, "Okay, okay, calm  down . I’m leaving." Charles said yanking his jacket out of Thomas' grasp.

  
"If I see you even a hundred meters from this house, I swear to God, I won’t be so forgiving, and the next place you’ll find yourself is prison." he warned him without a glance, as he dropped him to the ground just outside the building.

  
"You’ve become such an asshole Lightwood, you were so kind before." Charles bit and stood up and rubbed his wrists, "I remember you playing in our garden with Matthew and Christopher." he chuckled for the thousandth time, "And after a few years, James came along. How cute you were." he said with a sincerely happy smile.

  
"I’m serious, either you leave in five minutes, or I call the police." he warned him one last time.

  
"Funny." Charles repeated.

  
A vein popped out in Thomas’s neck while he yelled, closing the distance between the two of them, "What?!" He asked, "What by God’s grace do you find so amusing in all of this?"

  
"You spend so much time following his orders, you’ve become just like him." hissed Charles, a chill ran down Thomas’ spine.

  
Everything stopped, "What are you talking about?"

Charles puffed, like he was bored with that conversation, like whatever he was talking about, the whole world knew, "Alastair."

  
Thomas stood motionless, "I still don’t understand."

  
He was ready to hear some bullshit, Charles wasn’t in a position to have such a serious conversation, and he couldn’t think clearly. For that it took a while  w hen the other resumed speaking, it took a few seconds to really understand what he had just said, "I know him. He doesn’t really love you." he  hiccuped and stopped, "That’s always been the case between you two. You going after him like a lost puppy and he putting up with you because having someone around him is convenient."

  
"You don’t know what you’re talking about." Thomas draw in a slow and steady breath, shaking his head.

  
"Oh my God, you’re starting to scare me." Charles let out a disbelieved laugh.

  
Thomas couldn’t hold it anymore, "Go away."

  
Charles raised his hands as a sign of surrender and began to walk backwards, looking much more sober than he really was. He smiled, "You should be careful. You could get burned." Thomas didn’t answer.

  
And he didn’t answer him when Charles turned around and walked towards High Holborn and said, "Goodbye, Thomas."  
  
When he opened the door for the second time that night he sighed, hoping that Charles would not come back to annoy them because he didn’t think he could handle a mental blow like the one he just suffered.

  
They had overcome that problem years before, and Alastair absolutely didn’t need certain doubts to resurface, so he let a smile open on his lips when he heard his boyfriend calling him from the room in an alarming tone, "Tom?" sleep laced around his words, "Thomas, is it you?"

  
He crossed the apartment, opening the door slightly, leaning against the door frame. He f or ced the  c orners of his mouth to turn up, "Yes  A las, don’t worry."  h e said, leaning his head against the wall, "I just heard a noise and  went out to check that everything was okay."  he  closed his eyes, tired from everything that had just happened.

  
"And was  everything alright?" Alastair asked,  raising on his elbows. His hair was all messed up and a particular tuft was pulled up,  he kinda  looked like a rooster. Thomas looked at him and chuckled, nodding, "Yes, nothing to worry about. It was just  P etunia."  he  murmured referring to the one-legged squirrel who always managed to sneak into the  stairwell of their  building .

They looked at each other for a while in silence. Thomas was deciding whether or not to tell  him , maybe he should let it go. Their lives were  going  great now, they didn’t need to ruin their night because of this. He would have told  him about it another day.

  
Alastair’s eyes narrowed, questioning, "Do you need anything?"

  
Suddenly, Thomas couldn’t control what came out of his mouth, and before he knew it, he was moving toward the bed, "It wasn’t petunia." He sat down, never looking away from Alastair, whose eyes were focused on Thomas’s hand, who was holding the blanket between his fingers, "It was Charles."

  
Thomas waited for Alastair to realize what he had just said. It gave him time to decide whether or not to talk about it, but the only thing he said was, "You just lost the bet."

  
Thomas’s chest tightened in a press, his eyes threatening to water, " A las." his hand lingered between them, resting at the end on Alastair’s arm, who slowly escaped his touch, as if not to offend Thomas, "I don’t want to talk about it now." he whispered  finally , his eyes welled up, mirroring Thomas’.

  
"You met him when you came down to take the garbage down." Thomas understood with horror, holding his breath. Alastair’s body fell all the way back on the bed,  and he brought an arm to cover his face, but Thomas heard it anyway when he said, "I don’t want to talk about it now." he  took a  trembling breath, "Please."

  
"Alright." Thomas laid down next to him, taking him in his arms, while Alastair set himself up so that his back was crushed against the other’s chest.

  
"I love you." Thomas said in his ear, putting his cheek on his shoulder, "You know that, right?"

  
"Of course I do." answered Alastair, staring at the void before him, "I love you too." he said before closing his eyes.

  
***

  
"I don’t think you should go to work in your condition."

  
"And what condition would I be in exactly, Thomas?" told Alastair, anger flashing in his eyes.

  
That morning they woke up and very quietly did what they did every  other  morning. Alastair had gone to take a shower while Thomas was making breakfast, both were so thoughtless that they looked like two walking dead men. This was at least until Thomas had pointed out that he was not well at all and that he could not face hours of trial, even risking compromising the case.

  
"You’re obviously in shock from meeting Charles and going to court with your ex’s mother doesn’t seem like the best way to deal with it." Thomas answered him by getting up from the stool and approaching Alastair, who in the meantime was tying his tie in front of the mirror they had arranged at the entrance.

"And let’s hear it, what would be the best way to do it, hmm? Sit on the couch in pajamas all day feeling sorry for  myself ?"  h e made a sound of exasperation, 

bending his tie and clenching his fist, trying to calm down. Thomas went next to him, taking the garment from his hand and placing it back behind his neck, smiling amused, with a raised eyebrow. "I’m not working today, and you know I would stay here with you. We could talk about it."  h e told him, focus ing on the knot instead of him, knowing full well how much he hated being  looked at during these conversations.

  
"There’s nothing to talk about."  grunted Alastair,  minimizing the matter at hand as usual.

  
"Yes,  there is ." Thomas answered, walking away to see the final result. Alastair bit  out  a thank you.

  
"No, there isn’t." huffed Alastair, "It just happened that Charles came back to see how my life was going and to make sure you and I were still together. This is what happened."

  
"We need to talk about it because if he told you half the things he said to me, that means you’re gonna let the hate eat you  up until it’s too much and you’re gonna convince yourself that what he said is true and you’re gonna walk away from me. And I’m not gonna let that happen," Thomas said.

  
Alastair, who was in the middle of pouring himself a glass of water, stopped, laying it all in the sink and drew all his attention to his boyfriend, "What did he tell you?"

  
Thomas, seeing that he had finally gained ground with that phrase, did not miss the opportunity, " W ill you call  to get off work today ?"

  
"What did he tell you, Thomas?"

  
"Will you call?"

  
"Yes, fuck, yes. I will call." he answered exasperated, leaning on the table with both hands, staring out the window. "What did he talk about?"

  
"He thrust high school times in my face." he saw Alastair lean even more, "He told me that I’m your dog and that you only play along because you need company, in a nutshell."

  
"You know it’s all bullshit?" when Alastair spoke his voice was pained, desperate.

  
"Do you?" Thomas asked again, "Because I know you,  A las. And I know you know I love you, but I also know that you’re probably wondering how it’s possible after everything you’ve done."

  
"I love you too." rushed to say Alastair completely forgetting what else his boyfriend had said, as if he were afraid that if he didn’t say it, Thomas would leave.

  
"I know." Thomas approached him, putting his hand on his forearm, making  Alastair turn to him, "I know, and everything that happened at school doesn’t matter. We’ve already had that argument. We’ve already solved everything." he said with a hopeful look. But he saw in Alastair’s eyes how deep Charles' words were already planted.

"Yes I know,"  Alastair said despite everything, " A ll that crap about the child with a sad childhood trying to cope with it by taking it out on others. I do remember that one."

  
"It’s not  _ crap _ . It’s the truth."  h e said to him as a reprimand, holding his arm slightly, "I chose to be with you. And I choose it every day because every day you give me a chance to see what a great person you are and how much you’re actually worth  it . The others may not see you as you really are, but I do." He touched his cheek, smiling.

  
Alastair looked at him for a few seconds and then closed his eyes kissing him. Thomas was right, they had already addressed the subject too many times to return  to it now .

  
"Now why don’t you call Charlotte and tell her you’re not going to work so we can get in bed and do nothing all day?"  Thomas  reminded him when they broke off, and he was still crushed against him.

  
"You are insufferable."

  
"I made you coffee." Thomas walked away from Alastair, approaching the stove, "Here." said turning a teaspoon of sugar in the coffee. He offered him the dripping teaspoon, because he knew how much it bothered Alastair to waste even a drop of that _gift of the gods_ , as he called it, "C’mon, lick it." Thomas whined when Alastair stood still before him eyeing him with a look of pure love.

  
Alastair’s smile turned into something else, while with one hand he took the cup and the spoon from Thomas’s hands and with a sensual tone said, "I thought I’d lick something else actually."

  
Thomas yelped when Alastair picked him up from the ground, with a bit of difficulty, and brought him into the room laughing. He threw him on the bed before jumping on his boyfriend’s body.

  
Yeah, fuck Charles.


	3. Alone Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just so fucking fluffy and cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it and let me know in the comments

"You  gotta be  shitting me." The guy took a break, laughing sarcastically and rubbing his  hand to his face desperately . "You’re fucking with me." he whispered.

  
Lucie and Christopher, who were still arm in arm, exchanged a worried look before returning their attention to the empty shelf. The price tag as clear as the sun said _Pot Noodles Original,_ but there wasn’t a single package in sight. It was as if suddenly everyone in London had decided to go to their trusted store and raided it.  
Matthew seemed to be on the brink of a crisis.

  
Lucie was  about to touch his arm, to get him away from what seemed to be his worst nightmare, but Christopher’s phone vibrated against  her side. The  boy didn’t seem to notice, and Lucie gave him  a l ittle  n udge, "You got a message."

  
Matthew turned to his friends, "If Jamie wants the noodles for Cordelia, tell him he can go fuck himself." Lucie chuckled and shook her head, thinking that if there was only one box and the message was really James’ s , he would bring it to  him running.

  
But Christopher’s expression was not amused at all,  Lucie noticed,  while reading the message. He  paled , holding the phone tighter between his fingers, turning off the screen.

  
"Kit?" Matthew asked with a confused look, taking a step towards them to peek at who had  texted him, but Christopher clutched his phone to his chest, looking lost. He blinked several times, trying to understand. Lucie and Matthew could almost feel the gears of his brain working, "It’s Grace, she..."  he  took a step back and the girl who was  tied to his arm was forced to leave him. " I have to go, guys, I have to-" he interrupted, turning to Matthew, " I’m sorry Math, I can’t stay. I would stay if I could, you know, but I have to... I’ve got to go."

  
Matthew looked at Lucie worried, before shaking his head, "No, you don’t have to apologize.  We ’ll see you tomorrow." As soon as the words came out of the blond’s mouth, Christopher  shot to the exit. Lucie remained motionless for a second before starting to chase after him, Matthew right behind her.

  
"Kit!" she screamed, trying to stop him, "What happened?"

They walked out of the store, waving at the owner, and Christopher  stopped in the middle of the street, starting to walk backwards towards his car, "Something happened with Tatiana."

  
Lucie held her breath and heard Matthew whispering  a soft  _ shit _ .

  
Everyone knew Grace well.

  
When James had  met her many years before he had managed to keep their friendship a secret for a few months, but his sister and his best friend had begun to notice strange behavior and they had asked him questions  over questions until he gave in and told  them everything. Grace’s parents had died when she was little and Tatiana, who had risked losing her son Jesse shortly before, had not thought twice about taking her under her wing, but things had become ugly in a very short time.  She locked  Grace in the house with her brother.

  
Tatiana had lost her father and her husband during a shooting in the centre and from that moment o n, she had gone mad, locking herself in her small  house in the country side , far from everything and everyone, "far from the dangers of the city", she always told her brothers. She had closed herself up so much that Uncle Gabriel and Uncle Gideon had  found out that she was pregnant only  during the sixth month, when Tatiana was no longer able to hide it, avoiding to meet them inventing excuses not to  let them  visit.

  
"Do you need us to come along?" Matthew asked again as he began to walk with a quick pace towards Christopher, who shook his head "No, I have to go alone. I’ll call you if I need a hand." And then he turned around, got in the car and drove away.

  
Lucie took a deep breath, thinking about how hard this must have been for Grace, and how much Christopher already cared  for the girl, to go help her in the middle of the night. 

_ Damn _ ,  s he should’ve gotten  him to tell  her what happened  on their dates on the way to the market. Although with the  distance between the house and the store she would surely be able to ask only the details of the first  date , at least she would  have done some gossip.

  
She was still tormenting her hands, thinking about her cousin, when Matthew put the scarf around her neck,  placing it in her jacket, "Are you okay?" Lucie first looked at the scarf and then Matthew, with a raised eyebrow. He shrugged, "You were shaking, I’m fine even without it."

  
Lucie smiled at him and felt  her stomach twist again as  her cheeks turned red.  She gritted her teeth, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

It had been a few weeks since she first realized that being around Matthew didn’t make her feel like  it did before. That every night, when they met at the bar and their hands  even just brushed , she needed a few seconds to recover from  their  contact. That every smile he gave her was like a fist to the chest  pushing all the air out of her lungs.

  
There had been one episode in particular, that Lucie had decided not to tell anyone, in which he had passed behind her, laying his hands on her hips not to  make her trip and she had dropped the two drinks  s he had just prepared, too shocked by the reaction of  her body, which  felt like electricity had just passed through her . Matthew had immediately moved her from the broken glass by lifting  her up into the air and  placing her behind him and then started to clean in  her place, without saying a word. For that thing she got a  very shitty lecture and had to apologize several times to Catarina, the owner of the bar.

  
"Are you listening to me, Lu?"

  
Lucie withdrew from  her thoughts, nodding  absentmindedly , " Sorry ."  s he said shrugging, "It’s just that we’re all so exhausted from work and these-"  she  shook  her hands midair, as if to indicate everything that was going on in their lives lately, "These things and we meet every night,  that’s true, but I see how everyon e would prefere to stay home and sleep."

  
"I don’t think they feel  forced ." Matthew answered with an  arched eyebrow as he was shaken by a shiver. Lucie frowned, starting to undo her scarf, but a warm hand landed on her s and her brain shorted out again. "No, you  keep it, I’m not cold." he smiled, moving a blonde strand that had fallen on  his eyes.

  
"If you start feeling too cold though, you tell me, I can survive a night without feeling warm."

  
"True, but you shouldn’t." He gave her a light thrust with his arm, winking at her.

  
Lucie flared up, focusing on not stepping on the pavement lines. "Anyway," she resumed, returning to the initial topic, "I’m not saying that they feel forced, I just think maybe we need a few days to relax." she scratched her forehead, squeezing her eyes for the light coming from inside the nearby Mc Donald’s. She saw Matthew nodding slightly.

  
He kept his eyes fixed on her,  s he could feel it. She felt it from the way every fiber of her being was  yelling at her to move from  his visual range or she would explode at any moment.  Sh e was going to  talk , to ask him if he had done anything interesting last weekend (although  s he knew very well that he had stayed home to read the last drafts she had sent him) but  s he felt his hand slipping into  hers and nearly choked on  her own saliva.  Sh e looked from the ground  to their hands and then, with a force  s he did not know he had,  s he looked at him.

Matthew’s green eyes were  glimmering with an emotion that Lucie had only seen him  turn to the people he had a  relationship with. It was the same look Jesse  had given her many times. 

Matthew’s lips were bent  up  in a sincere smile, not  into  the one he reserved for the bar’s customers, but  s he  noticed how they were twitching nervously and waiting for  her reaction.

  
She gripped her fingers around Matthew’s hand and saw how his shoulders relaxed at that contact.

  
"I know  a, uhm ..." Lucie coughed, trying to clear her voice that had come out too low to be audible,  and heard Matthew  chuckled next to her, "I know a place where they make noodles  24/7 . It takes a while to get there because it’s downtown, but it’s really nice."

  
"Lucie, if you’re kidding me right now, I swear I’m not talking to you anymore."

  
Matthew had stopped, forcing her to stand in front of him, but the grip on her hand had become firmer and now their arms were a bridge between their bodies as they looked into each other’s eyes.

  
Lucie put her hand on her heart trying to hold back the laughs that threatened to come out  seeing her friend’s face.

Matthew seemed to have seen the most beautiful thing in the world, his eyes glowed even more than before, and Lucie would have sworn to have seen a little  drool dripping from his mouth before his tongue  licked on his lower lip. Lucie’s eyes darted away, "I swear on our friendship," Matthew made a coughing grin, taking a fist to cover his mouth, "that I am not lying to you and that the place is called  D ear Lord,  R amen." a giggle escaped her control.

  
"Now I know for a fact that you’re fucking with me because there’s no way I don’t know about a place called  like  that." Matthew started walking again, this time closer to Lucie than he had ever been. So close that their shoes touched every step  they took .

  
"Did I swear on our friendship or not?"  s he asked spying on his reaction with the  corner of  her eye.

  
She saw him nodding as if lost in thought and then they were silent for a while, while Lucie took them across the bridge to Potters Fields Park.

  
She began to feel her shoulders stiffen, perhaps she should not have specified that theirs was a friendship twice in a row, while they were holding hands at three o'clock in the middle of town when everyone else had left or stayed home because their other half was too tired to stay. _God_ , now that Lucie was thinking about it, they were all alone because everyone else was holed up in their homes like old couples. Maybe Matthew was right, maybe they were all old dudes.

She cast a worried look in his direction trying to understand if her words had bothered him, but on Matthew’s face there was carelessness and what Lucie could only define as pure happiness. She relaxed again, detaching her hand from Matthew’s and before the boy could miss her presence, she put an arm around his and put their hands back together. He smiled at her, tilting his head to the side and leaving a kiss to her hair.

  
If someone had told her a few minutes before  that the  nigt would end with her and Matthew walking the cold streets of London, she would have  never  believed it.   
They had just passed Christopher’s favorite cupcake shop, when Matthew interrupted that comfortable silence  th e y had created, "Do you want to hear some bad noodle jokes?"

  
Lucie opened her eyes, smiling, "Of course I want to hear them."

  
Matthew cleared his throat, standing still, ready to recite the ugliest lines Lucie would ever hear in her whole life, she was sure, "Okay, then. What do you call a fake noodle?"

  
Lucie twisted her mouth thinking of an answer, "A needle?"

  
Matthew pulled back slightly, confusion in his eyes. "What? No-What?"

  
"I don’t know, I said the first thing I could think of." Lucie retorted.

  
"An _impasta_."

  
"Not funny, try harder."

  
" Rough crowd, I see ." she scoffed, but he smiled widely, "My housemate told me he went to the noodle bar and got food poisoning..."  he  made a short break, to create suspance, "I was like ‘ W hy would you even order that? '"

  
Lucie sniffed a laugh through the nose, but nothing more. She turned to him, with an expression that said ‘can’t do anything better?'. Matthew then started making jokes over jokes, and even though Lucie seemed amused, nothing was really making her laugh. At least, that’s what she wanted the boy to believe. She was having the time of her life, and the fact that they were still holding hands was just a plus.

  
"Okay, since the good-guy jokes don’t seem to make you react, I’m gonna start with things a little bit… stronger."

  
Lucie tensed. The flirtatious behavior was a feature of Matthew’s. He always had it, and it was one of Lucie’s favorite things on the face of the earth, but in that moment, if he had made a sexual joke, she would probably have died on the spot. "Oh shut up. They were all beautiful and I’m dying of laughter." the fake laugh s made was one of the ugliest laughs either of them had ever heard, and that led to real laughter. Lucie hoped to have distracted Matthew from the idea of saying dirty things, but it didn’t seem to have worked when he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, turning slightly towards her and placing her hair behind her ear.

He  got  menacingly  closer  and when  his lips touched her skin, a shiver ran down her back,  paralyzing her.  Sh e felt the hairs of  her arms standing up and  her cheeks  reddening , when Matthew came even closer, crushing  her against his chest, "What do girls and noodles have in common?"

  
Lucie closed her eyes, trying not to think about the closeness of their bodies or the fact that Matthew was talking noodles to her, which if she focused too much  on  would have ruined what had just been created  there . If it wasn’t for every point where their bodies were catching on fire,  she would probably have laughed  out loud , but  as she was struggling to  catch her breath, laughing was something completely foreign  in that moment . All  s he could come up with was a feeble, "I don’t know."

  
She felt as Matthew’s lips bent upwards against her ear, "They both wiggle when you eat them." His voice became more hoarse than she had ever heard and had to hold back the sound of awe that went up her throat. Her eyes fluttered open.

  
She was about to turn to him and Matthew’s lips  brushed her cheek.  A nd she knew that  if  she moved half an inch she could finally kiss him.  Sh e moved in his arms and he made her back  away a few steps until her  body fully adhered to the wall of the  bulding . He put his hand on her cheek, pushed her face up towards him. 

They were looking each other in the eye and Lucie had described that color so many times on the pages of her notebooks that this  could only be a dream. She had tried to capture that spark that made them so alive with dozens of words, but nothing had ever done justice to that green that she loved so much.

  
"Matthew."

  
Their lips  grazed and then the ringing of a phone  cut through the silence . The boy jumped backwards making an exasperated noise. Lucie  tilted her head back and slammed it against the wall, closing her  eyes,  annoyed, while Matthew answered the call. 

Obviously their first kiss would not have been in that moment. Obviously something had to go wrong and ruin  everything .

  
"Anna?" He asked him with a confused look, as he approached Lucie again, placing his hand on her face gently and fixing her scarf, as if it were something he did every day. Both of them opened wide tehir eyes when the girl shrieked through the phone, " _Where the hell is Christopher?_ "

  
"He had to go to Grace’s place. Why?"

Lucie pulled away from the wall, telling Matthew to put the phone next to her so she could hear better. A very bad feeling was forming  at the mouth of her stomach.

  
" _ Because he  _ _ just  _ _ texted me,  _ ‘ I f  m om and  d ad ask you, I’m sleeping at your place, don’t worry.’ ” she said in a slightly calmer voice, but always  worried , " _ As if writing such a thing at three o'clock at night was normal. _ " Anna snorted. Lucie pictured her  passing her hand in  the hair. " _ I’m out with Ari, but if he needs anything, we’ll  _ _ get to _ _ him immediately. _ "

  
"Nono,  don’t worry about it." Lucie immediately said, taking the phone from Matthew’s hand. She knew how little free time the two girls had since Ari started working full-time, and that was the first night that the two of them could  go out without having to worry about setting up  too much . "He asked us to stay out of it this time and in case he needs help, Math and I will go."

  
" _Oh hello Luce._ " Anna’s voice seemed more than pleased to find out that her cousin was with Matthew at that time and when the girl turned a questioning look to the boy, he scratched his head embarrassed while shrugging. " _All right, by the way_."

  
"Don’t worry, Kit is distracted, we all know that, but he seemed more lucid than I’ve ever seen him in my entire life. Nothing will happen." Lucie reassured her, while Matthew  shook his head agreeing with her.

  
" _If you say so_." Anna sighed, " _What are you doing anyway? Are you always with_ _the_ _others?_ "

  
Lucie started coughing thinking about what they were going to do a few seconds before they were interrupted and Matthew took the phone, hitting his hand on her back. Lucie couldn’t hear what Anna was saying.

  
"No, we’re going to eat."

  
"Yeah at three, yes."

  
"I don’t know where it is."

  
"Why do you want to come? It’s not your date night?"

  
"Wait, I’m asking Lucie."

  
"It’s at the cross between Lafone St and Gainsford St." she said in a raspy voice before he could ask her anything. Matthew raised an eyebrow, raising a thumb up as a sign of question. _Are you all right?_ Lucie nodded, coughing one last time. She had to start reacting better to the image of the boy’s lips on hers, or she’d die soon.

  
"Alright, meet us there in about 20 minutes."

  
"No, we won’t be late."

  
"Anna."

  
Matthew’s tone became a warning and Lucie immediately realized that her cousin was teasing him. Anna wasn’t stupid, and if there was one person that Math told his feelings for her about, it had to be Anna. Lucie grimaced at him and then heard laughter on the other side of the line.

See you later  and say hello to Ari." Matthew  hang up and sighed deeply, staring at the phone with amused eyes for a moment.  H e put it back in  his pocket and gave Lucie a shy smile.  H e offered her arm and they started walking again as if nothing had happened.

  
But something had happened. And she couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling of her lips so close to Matthew’s. And their breaths  sharing the same air , or the name of the boy who came out like a prayer from  her mouth.

  
They were now five minutes from the park when Matthew pulled away from her and  clenched his fist s , making Lucie’s eyebrows  arch . She was gonna ask him if anything was wrong, if he’d rather go home or something, but he stopped for the third time and Lucie found  herself thinking that they would never make it to the restaurant in time if he  was about to push her against the nearest wall and started kissing her  again and Anna would be right.

  
Probably if he kissed her right then, they’d never go to eat, and her house was just a few blocks away  anyway.

  
But when Matthew turned, his face slightly pale, Lucie knew that there would be no new kisses. At least not that night. Because the expression on the boy’s face promised only broken dreams and hearts. She  t ook a few steps back,  embracing herself  and trying not to look Matthew directly in the eye.

  
She knew she had hoped too much. She knew that night would be the only night she could pretend to be truly loved by someone. She knew Matthew would never consider her except as a friend. She’d already been in that situation, and if she could talk before the other one, maybe she could save herself the apology that  someone  had to make after an unwanted kiss.

  
"Lu  I -" he whispered, turning a blind eye and  rubbing his forehead, " _ shit _ ."

  
"You don’t have to say it. I’ve already figured it out for myself." she said much more feebly than intended. "You’re lonely, I understand. It’s hard for me too to be in a group where everyone gets together and shows love to each other every five seconds." She smiled at him with watery eyes, always without meeting his eyes. She was fiddling with her fingernails, biting her lower lip. _Don’t cry, don’t cry._

  
"Tonight was just a mistake, I get it. Really. But please don’t apologize." she replied with her eyes downcast. She didn’t want to hear it. If she said that, it would have hurt less, it would have been easier.

"What are you talking about?" Matthew asked, interrupting  her train of thoughts.

  
Lucie  felt brave enough to look up and Matthew had his eyes slightly open ed , him mouth gaping, as if he didn’t understand why  s he was telling him all those things. " You mean … Are you saying that-" Matthew stuttered, taking a step towards her, putting his hands in his pocket, "Do you  really think it was a mistake?"   
Lucie swallowed  visibly . She had never lied to Matthew. And she would not start now, even at the cost of making a fool of herself. She shook her head no lowering it again, but the  surprised sigh that seemed almost a laugh from  her friend made her raise an eyebrow.

  
"Oh Jesus, Lucie. How can you think those things," he sounded so happy, "after I almost kissed you against a wall and after we held hands for an hour?"   
Lucie felt a rush through her body, "You’re the one who started acting weird by letting go of my hand." she replied slightly raising her voice so that she could hear her.

  
Matthew laughed, "Yes, because I’m trying to tell you that I like you and I’m nervous, Lu."

  
Lucie’s head snapped up, and  s he finally looked Matthew right in the eye. His cheeks were red and he was torturing the edge of his jacket. Well,  it was obvious he was nervous.

  
But she didn’t care that he wasn’t relaxed. She was more interested in the fact that the guy who had driven her crazy the last few months just told her he liked her.  
"I thought," she shallowed again, "I thought you were gonna tell me it can’t work. I’ve been there, Math." Lucie noticed how he gritted his teeth before he spoke.  
"Yes, I know. And it also seemed to me that we had already talked about the fact that the only one who lost something was him."

  
"I don’t want to talk about Jesse now." she murmured, approaching him.

  
He made a  s ly smile, "No, definitely." he p laced a hand on her cheek and she leaned on that long-awaited touch.

  
"But I’d like to hear more on the subject ‘I like you’, you know?" she drawled positioning herself so that her chest was pushed against his body. She stretched her neck and laid a soft kiss to his jawline.

  
Matthew brought both his hands to her hips, "Oh ye ah ?"  h e kissed one cheek and then the other, blowing on her nose, before leaning his forehead against hers. "I like you, Lucie.  I had for a l ong time."

  
She smiled calmly, starting to feel her eyes pinching.

  
"And I never did anything to make you understand  that ," he continued, "and I’m sorry I wasted all this time. But I’m not going to let you go now, if that’s what you want." he said in a soothing tone. His eyes still glimmering with that emotion so strong, so fierce, that lit up his whole face.

  
"Don’t let me go." she said with graceful simplicity.

  
Matthew stretched out to her and finally their lips touched, melting in that kiss.

They had waited so long, both unaware of each other’s feelings, yet their hands knew exactly where to rest and their lips and tongues  how to dance.

  
Lucie had had the opportunity to kiss some boy, but she had never felt so alive. She had never felt her heart overflowing with joy.

  
And the boy before her, who was now breathing her as if his life depended on it, who had protected and reassured her when she needed it  the most, whom  s he had considered as a brother for much of  her life, but that was the furthest thing from a brother he could represent.

  
Lucie almost broke off screaming when Matthew’s phone rang again.

  
"Anna, fuck  you, I just did it ." he said, answering exasperated, passing a hand  through his hair. Lucie burst into laughter when a chorus of joy from the two girls exploded on the other side of the phone. He saw Matthew looking at her with a satisfied smile. "We’re coming, but please don’t call again."

  
The boy didn’t even give  her cousin  the time to say  goodbye that he was on her again . Hands stuck in her hair and eyes closed as he kissed her desperately.

  
They just  stood there and basked in that new sensation for a few more minutes and only when Lucie was fully satisfied and her lips were given the right attention  they broke off. They burst out laughing, hugging again and holding on to each other.

  
"Let’s go eat noodles, Math." she said, taking him by the hand and pulling him towards the restaurant. "You deserve it."

  
But he stood still and looked at her, smiling too  broadly . "What?" she asked, smiling  faintly . He shook his head and began to walk beside her, " N othing. It’s just the best night of my life." She nodded and gave him a stealthy kiss on the cheek.

  
"Well, at least now we can be alone together, right?" she asked.

  
Matthew chuckled, "You  will never  be alone again, Lu. I promise." He gave her a quick kiss on the lips, and then he started running,  leaving her behind,  while  he screamed that if she didn’t hurry, they would surely run out of noodles and he would never be able to eat anything.

  
Lucie burst into laughter, started running after him.


	4. Little Black Dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a couple of lesbian having multiple gay panics

Anna had made a mistake.

She had made a mistake and now she was freaking out, because Ariadne was smiling at her like she always did, but that emotion that normally shone in her golden eyes seemed to have died out.

It was the first night they were able to spend away from home without worrying about the next day's schedule and they had enjoyed every minute as if they thought their next date would be years from now.

They had immediately refused the group's invitation to go out with them that night and now Anna was regretting not going to her cousin's house. Despite having spent one of the best nights of their lives, Anna regretted not accepting because the little velvet box in her jacket pocket weighed like a boulder. So when the opportunity to slip someone in to third wheel came up, she didn't think twice and asked Matthew and Lucie if they could join.

Ariadne had asked her a couple of times to go home, but she couldn't. As long as they stayed out, she could still muster some courage and ask her, but as soon as she set foot in the house, she would give up and go straight to bed, regretting for sure the bad choice the next morning. So, no, they couldn't go home, but she could have stretched the night as long as she wanted.

She smiled at Ariadne, putting the phone in her pocket, "They're coming right away anyway."

His girlfriend squeezed in her shoulders, "Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that Matthew and Lucie are coming, but I thought we'd be alone tonight. I'm a little tired, actually."

Anna felt guilty and her heart clenched in her chest. She stretched her hand out on the table, taking Ariadne’s, "I’m sorry, I didn't think it would bother you, if you want we can tell him we left because we had other plans." she suggested, wiggling her eyebrows, suggesting which plans she alluded to, even though her stomach was twisting.

They weren't going home anyway. She was being a bitch, she knew it, but she couldn't give up so quickly. "Math would understand. And I'm sure Luce wants to be alone with him, too, now that they've finally been able to declare their eternal love." she concluded with a smirk, wiping her hands on the jeans.

Ariadne's gaze moved to the door of that particularly crowded restaurant to be four o'clock in the morning and gave a smile that looked more like a grimace, "Too late." Anna didn't have time to turn around that two arms were choking her.

"We haven't seen each other in ages." Lucie screamed in her ear. Beyond her cousin's shoulder she saw Matthew chuckling as he greeted Ariadne with a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Work is destroying us," replied Anna, placing her arm around the shoulders of the girl who had just arrived and sat next to her.

Ariadne sighed loudly and nodded, putting her face in her hands, "And my new boss is such an asshole. The other day he _ordered_ me to go buy him a coffee." She looked at Matthew with her eyes wide open, "Like I'm some kind of intern," she said disgusted. Then her eyebrows snapped so high they disappeared under her hair. "But you two got together! Finally!" she raised her arms, hugging Matthew, who laughed embarrassedly.

"Actually we just kissed, we didn't, um," the guy put his hand over his face, "We haven't talked about it yet, but-" he stopped again, eyeing Lucie.

"What he's trying to say is, yes, we're getting there." she smiled at him, her eyes glowing, "But you should take me out to dinner first."

Matthew backed out, pointing at the club with one hand, "What does this look like to you?"

"I brought you here." she scoffed.

The squabble went on for a while, but Anna and Ariadne weren't really participating.

Anna cursed herself for the millionth time. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ She'd planned everything perfectly and always managed to screw it all up. She couldn't understand where all that magnificent self-esteem that had allowed her to achieve every goal in life and that distinguished her from all her relatives had gone.

She looked at her watch, it was almost four. The Sky Garden had already been closed for hours and she knew it.

That place was one of Ariadne's favourites all over London. It was one of the city's skyscrapers and its special feature was the small garden that stood on the 35th floor. It was quite a touristy place, but there were never too many people there and very often, when Ariadne was still in university, they would go there to spend their days and go over the subjects before big exams.

She would offer her one of those drinks she loved so much with orange juice and a slice of pineapple and then take her out on the terrace, she hadn't yet decided whether she would kneel down or not, but she would say something to her and then take out the ring. It seemed so simple when she thought it. Simple but great.

And yet now she felt as if her legs were made of jelly, and with every movement she felt as if she were giving away years of life, she was struggling so hard.

They had ordered in between chats and the food had arrived in less than ten minutes. Matthew seemed to be on the verge of tears when the waiter arrived and put his three servings of noodles in front of him. One with beef, one with chicken and one vegetarian. Lucie and Ariadne looked at him in shock. They had decided to have only drinks and now they were sipping their hot teas.

"Are you sure you'll be able to work tomorrow?" Lucie asked, rising an eyebrow when he alternated a bite of chicken’s noodles and beef’s. "You know I wouldn't want to have to drag you to the emergency because instead of blood you'll have noodles in your veins."

Ariadne laughed and Anna stiffened. She was trying not to look at her, but when she laughed she was so beautiful. _She's always beautiful_ , she thought, cursing herself. She looked up and when her amber eyes looked at her, Anna sprang to her feet. Lucie's expression became even more confused.

Ariadne settled down on the chair, as if she was uncomfortable. "Are you okay, An?"

The girl nodded. God, what was happening to her. She wasn't like that. She wasn't clumsy.

"Anna?" Matthew had stopped eating and looked at her worried.

Her eyes clicked on his friend, "Would you like to come out for some air?" she asked quickly, avoiding the gaze of the other two girls. "Smoking." she said, having to say something else. She didn't wait for an answer and rushed out of the restaurant.

As soon as he was on the sidewalk, somewhat away from the ‘ _dear lord, ramen’_ , she leaned back against the wall and then laid her hands on her knees, bending forward. She was gasping for air and wished she was at home at that moment, in her bed with her girlfriend, not her possible future wife.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and then Matthew bent over like her, to have his face at her own height. His eyes wide open with worry, "What happened?" she stared back and kept gasping. She took a deep breath, holding it. This should have slowed her heart, which seemed to be about to explode.

She was able to move enough to reach into her pocket with one hand, and then both of them held their breath.

"Oh shit." That's all the boy said.

They were silent for a few seconds. "Yeah."

"Were you going to ask her now?" Matthew asked, trying to figure out what the problem was. She looked up at his friend and saw the myriad questions hovering in his head.

They all knew the two girls were going to get married sooner or later, but no one knew that Anna was planning to propose that night. She'd done well to keep it to herself. They thought they'd wait a little longer.

It wasn't that she didn't want to share it with others for fear that they would tell her to wait or that they wouldn't agree. It had been years since they had all come to terms with the fact that Ariadne would be in their group forever. At first they had been a little hesitant, given their history and how Ariadne had broken her heart when they were still teenagers, but now she was simply part of the family.

"Not _now_ now." she groaned. "Actually, I screwed up," she said, pulling herself up and looking towards the restaurant, making sure no one came out.

"Do you want to tell me or, I don't know, would you rather go back inside and get Ari and leave?"

Anna snorted, shaking her head, "No, I've ruined everything by now. I'll do it another night."

Matthew chuckled, "Leave it to you, the most confident person I know, to become this-" teased her with one finger, "-clumsy, for the most important question of your life."

Anna whispered to him to fuck off, but he was right.

"I don't know what got to me, I had a spectacular night planned and then we went to a club to dance and I lost track of the time and I thought it's okay." Anna started babbling, "We're fine and she just started working in that horrible office and I think she's under enough stress. Planning a wedding would also take away what little free time she has now," she continued, gesturing with her hands, "Sure, I'd help her with everything, but it would still be something else to take care of."

He looked up at Matthew, who seemed thoughtful. "Why don't we go back inside, tell Ari you're not feeling well and then maybe introduce the subject when you're home?"

"So she can't kick me out, you say?" joked Anna, trying to lighten the air.

"No, that way you'll be calmer and if you're going to throw up from anxiety, at least you can do it in your bathroom." Matthew continued, laughing.

Anna sighed, nodded, and after a brief pause in which she was thinking of all the worst possible scenarios, they went back in.

Lucie was leaning forward on the table, her mouth wide open, and she was shaking Ariadne's hands, smiling at her with her lips so tight that if she smiled more they would tear. As soon as the grils saw them approaching, they pulled away and Lucie sat up straight again, looked Matthew in the eyes and with her eyebrows raised and a very condescending tone, "You and I have to go leave now.”

"But- Lucie?" It was rare enough that Matthew referred to the girl using her full name in that serious tone. He looked suspiciously at the table before bending over to his new girlfriend. "Where are my noodles?" Lucie shrugged and laughed.

Ariadne, in front of them, was staring at Anna, "Are you okay?" she asked her hesitantly.

Anna decided that nothing would happen that night, that she had made her suffer enough, but she would not lie to her. "No. Can we go home?" she asked her, with hopeful eyes, "Please."

Lucie, who had suddenly stopped bickering with Matthew, raised her voice so loudly that they got a couple of nasty looks from other people at the tables. Now that he noticed, there were a lot of people for it being four o'clock in the morning. "Yes! Yes!" Then, in a lower tone, "Yes, you absolutely must go home."

Ariadne gave her a murderous look and Anna turned to Matthew, trying to figure out if he knew anything, but he seemed too lost in his noodles thoughts to worry about anything else.

"And stop making that long face, I asked the waitress to put them in a takeaway container." Lucie jokingly pushed him. Matthew lit up and bent over her to kiss her.

Anna stood, watching the new couple with a sad smile. She was really happy for Matthew. They had talked so many times about how sick it made him feel to see how every single person in his life found love under the rocks, how he had tried so many times to meet new people and like them to get Lucie out of his head.

She felt a hand resting on her arm and turned towards her girlfriend again. Ariadne's bright eyes stared at her worried, "What happened?"

Anna took a deep breath and then shook her head and looked away, "Can we talk about this when we get home?" the other nodded slightly before saying goodbye to Matthew and Lucie with a flying kiss. Anna looked at Matthew and he gave her a bright smile and the thumbs up.

Yes, she could do it.

The journey to their apartment was mostly silent. Every once in a while Ariadne would comment on something that had happened at work and Anna would laugh or give her honest opinion about it, but it seemed as if they were both not really there.

Now that Anna was paying more attention, Ariadne was torturing her fingers and had been checking her phone so many times in the last five minutes that it was starting to make Anna suspicious. That she figured it out? That she came out while showing Math the ring and saw the whole thing?

No, that wasn't possible. She would've already broached the subject.

Looking sideways at her girlfriend confirmed that yes, Ariadne was definitely upset about something. And the look she gave her mere seconds later also confirmed that it was about the two of them. Anna narrowed her eyes when she saw that they had finally entered Percy Street and were only a few yards away from their apartment.

She could have made it.

Ariadne froze at the bottom of the porch stairs. Anna let go of her hand and climbed the few steps that separated her from what she considered to be their safe place, but when she saw that the other one was left on the sidewalk she frowned. With her hand still in mid-air she gave a cough, trying to attract Ariadne's attention, but she seemed to be in a trance as she murmured something.

"Ari? Are you okay?"

No answer.

She raised the voice a little, hoping their neighbors wouldn't wake up, "Ari."

The girl finally looked up at Anna and had lost color on her face, as if she was feeling sick. Indeed, Ariadne felt as if the world was swallowing her up little by little. She had received a message from Cecily around midnight assuring her that everything had been put in place and that Garbiel couldn't wait to see how it would go. Despite the support she had received from both Anna's parents, she couldn't hold back the whimper that escaped from her lips and ran up the stairs positioning between the door and Anna, blocking her entrance.

"What's going on?" Anna asked anxiously, placing a hand on her face and stroking her cheekbone, trying to calm her down.

Ariadne had started fidgeting with her foot since she was so stressed, "There's something in the house." The surprise on Anna's face was obvious and Ariadne bit her lip trying to figure out if that slightest reaction was good or bad. Even the soothing movement on her cheek stopped. "It's a big thing. It's something I've been wanting to do for a long time and Cecily..." she paused, looking for signs that Anna didn't want anything from her at that moment, but the blue-eyed girl's hand hadn't left her face yet. She could see the confusion in Anna’s eyes as she tried to understand what her mother had to do with it at that moment. Ariadne leaned slightly against that contact, seeking comfort in the warmth of her beloved.

After all, she had behaved very strangely that night, and now she was beginning to think that maybe Anna wanted to break up with her. She closed her eyes and took courage. "I wanted to arrange something nice for you, to ask you something very important, but I don't think you're fine tonight and I see you're upset. I don't want to know what it is, if it was vitally important you would have told me already and I don't want to force you to share anything you don't want, but I'm here."

Ariadne placed both hands on Anna's arms, bringing her body closer to that of the other in a swift movement. She moved her hands over her chest, feeling how Anna's heart was beating fast in her ribcage.

Anna smiled at her and her eyes softened so easily that Ariadne almost burst out crying.

Whatever Ariadne was talking about, Anna was happy.

All the anxiety she had accumulated during the night had dissipated as soon as her girlfriend opened her mouth. She was no longer afraid of what the other's response or reaction would be. She was no longer afraid of what might happen, because she knew that whatever happened, they would find a way to deal with it together.

She leaned slightly over Ariadne and laid her lips on hers. Even the weight on the girl's shoulders seemed to lift suddenly and they relaxed each other's touch.

When they both were out of breath, but with their eyes still glistening with emotion, Anna managed to move Ariadne from the entrance and open the door.

A faint flickering light came from upstairs and casting a curious look over his girlfriend's shoulder, Anna walked up the stairs, holding Ariadne's hand.

As soon as she saw what Ariadne had done, Anna stopped.

The room shone with its own light and an indefinite number of what Anna recognized as white carnations and another yellow flower very similar to wisteria covered every free surface of the room. From the ceiling hung what looked like pictures of them. "Ari…"

She stepped forward and felt Ariadne hold her breath. She reached the last step and began to walk through the living room, swiping her finger over each photo. There were pictures of every date they went on. There was the selfie they had made immediately after making love for the first time. There were pictures of their first meeting and the ones they had taken secretly.

Her chest hurt from how many emotions she was feeling.

On the wall above the sofa was a large frame of the two of them on the day of her cousin Eugenia's wedding. That day Ariadne had worn a black dress so beautiful that there hadn't been a single person who hadn't complimented her. In the picture Anna was holding her tight to her chest while Ariadne was leaning back and laughing with her eyes closed. Anna's gaze transmitted so many emotions that she had a lump in her throat looking so happy. She had never realized she was looking at Ariadne with so much love.

If someone had told her it would end like this when she was still young and dumb, she would never have believed it.

She was speechless, too shocked by such a blatant action, but Ariadne must have interpreted her silence in a negative way, because she was stuck on the door and whispered, "I know, sorry is too much."

Anna snapped at her, gaping. Ariadne seemed to feel even worse, because she brought her hand to her chest and took a hesitant step towards her. "Your mother said you'd like it and I thought you'd prefer these to those stupid roses and..."

"I love it."

"What?"

"I said I love it," Anna said determinedly, so that she would hear her clearly. Dodging one photo to the right and one to the left, she reached out to the girl and encirled her hips, "And I love you, Ariadne."

She leaned forward, resting her forehead against the girl's. "I love everything about you. I love your hair and your lips, I love the color of your skin and how it makes the gold in your eyes shine." she left a chaste kiss on her lips. "I love how your body is perfectly compatible with mine," she pushed forward, getting lost in their kisses and brushing her jawline, which made Ariadne shudder, "and how it responds to the slightest of my touches."

"I love how you stand up for everything you believe in and everyone you love." Anna broke away to get a better look at her. Her eyes glowed with tears. She took another step back, Ariadne's hand hanging between them. "I can't imagine my life without you. I can't imagine a morning without having the chance to look at you as soon as you open your eyes and kiss you."

"I'm sorry I was a bitch tonight. I'm sorry if I acted weird and avoided going home so much." she put her hands in her pocket, trying to look calm while her heart exploded in her chest. She looked into her eyes, "Sorry."

"There's nothing to apologize for." Ariadne whispered to her, stepping forward to take her in her arms, but Anna stopped her with a slight grin on her face. Ariadne wrinkled an eyebrow confused with a smile on her lips.

"I was going to take you to the Sky Garden. I was going to buy you one of those cocktails you love so much," she touched the velvet box in her pocket and squeezed her fingers around the object, pulling it out. "I was going to make you laugh, I was going to fall in love again and again and again." Ariadne's gaze followed her every move, and when she got on one knee she opened her eyes wide, making a choked sound very much like an incredulous laugh. "I was going to take you out on the terrace," she opened the box and saw tears flowing undisturbed on Ariadne's cheeks, who whispered, "Anna…"

She smiled, "And I was going to ask you to marry me."

Ariadne was now laughing through her tears as she was smuggling in her white handbag. She kept her gaze fixed on Anna though, as if she wanted to take a mental picture of this moment.

"That's why I didn't want to go home." Anna excused herself, "The second I set foot in here, my chances of asking you would have ended."

Ariadne laughed one last time, before she knelt down in front of her and pulled out a little dark blue velvet box, "Anna."

She stood motionless as she lowered her hand slightly with the little red box, "Ariadne?" The girl in question opened the blue box and a simple silver ring with a tiny blue stone glowed with the lights in the room. She gave out a choked laugh as her eyes filled up in turn, "Are you kidding?" She looked at Ariadne and sprang forward with a snap. She took the girl's face in her hands and kissed her. She broke away for a second when the other one stopped the kiss, "Oh god, we're terrible."

Anna laughed, taking the ring from her little box and putting it on Ariadne's finger, while the other one did the same. They looked into each other's eyes one last time, now high on exhilaration.

"Will you marry me?"

"And will you marry me?"

**Author's Note:**

> If you like it leave a comment and let me know what I could do to improve


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